How to Make Instant Noodles Pass for Real Food

I am a pure half-breed. One of the only Jewsies (half Jew, half Parsi) to have ever lived. I’ve been told I “look like a shiksa” and “look like my dad,” which are two totally contradictory statements. I have been mistaken for Greek, Turkish, French, Arabic, Punjabi, Italian, Nepali, Malaysian, Balinese, Latin American, Iranian, Indian, and…my…